sigh sigh sigh.......... the whole self-confidence thing is bugging me.... it seems that NY pple are so confident in any one way, and i'm not. the whole problem is, i just dunno how to build up this self confidence thingy!!!! if i have to do sth in front of a big group of pple, i'll just get v nervous, to the extent that i'll even start trembling lor (quite serious right) this stupid problem is realli very sickening, and because of this i can't connect with those pple who are v confident because i just feel like i kena oppressed by them.

up till sec 3, i had tot that the work and time that i had spent on building this confidence of mine has finally worked and i'm in fact getting more confident, but a stupid event changed it, until the self confidence that i have managed to built all these years collapse once again. all my hard work, time, little confidence is shattered after that. one can never imagine how bad somethings can be... sigh.

in life, it seems like we need to do so much socialing and presentations, which is the most stressful stuff for me. if u ask me to bungee jump, climb a few hundred floors and look down, all these physical stuff i'm not even realli scared of, its the mental stuff that stresses me the most. sigh, why can't i just live happily, as a small person, doing the things that i like and not stress myself so much.... i just can't get it!!!!!!! why am i forced to do presentations that i don't like????? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

anyway, i just hope that things will get better. the bad thing is got some pple realli v nice, but i can't tok properly and communicate with them cause they appear too perfect to me.... u know like they're confident, good in academics, sports, and all kinds of stuff.... looks so perfert to me.... haiz, then toking to them will make me nervous again.... haiz.....

those good looking, confident, talented pple are just so lucky to be borned in this way, cause they just attract all the attention and shine without even as much work as we normal pple do. i dun even know why i'm in NY, it seems that NY pple are all going to become future business women and career women and stuff like that, but i don't really feel like leh..... if i can just do the things that i like i'll be already very happy....

i was thinking, if one day i ever get to meet fairy godmother, i would definitely make good use of the three wishes and make my life more meaningful. if i can get a chance to transform myself to a new myself, how great it will be..... or maybe i can get myself to go to another world of my own, with pple i can tok with, with all the things that i like. i need the shrek potion leh.... "happily ever after" sigh, FAIRY GODMOTHER!!! when will you ever appear in front of me?? did u hear me calling for you???

anyway, JJ is coming to sch tml. i'm sooooo excited!!! my lao peng you should be v excited also, haha.... yay!!!

Crazy Chew caught a falling star on 23:36.